War of the Worlds is a cross between a big budget summer blockbuster and an independent film. It features a really big budget and a lot of star power like other summer blockbusters, but, like most independent films, it does not burden itself with the hassles of plot or character development and, instead, prefers to show endless scenes of people reacting to the horrors taking place directly behind the camera man. The movie, directed by Steven Spielberg, the brilliant filmmaker who has been working hard to attain the coveted mediocre filmmaker status, is yet another Hollywood exercise in the art of reducing man to his worst. The idea being that if you take away safety, food, and government protection then humanity automatically devolves into nothing but a collection of scavenging murdering thieves who act only in their own self interests. The film follows a single dad and his kids as they desperately flee an oncoming Alien attack in the nation’s sole operating mini van while dodging cartoonish portrayals of rioting crowds, gun toting crazies, and an inept US military. Towards the end of the story Spielberg even brings in Tim Robbins to help ensure that no sense of humanity, bravery, or self sacrifice might accidentally seep into the film. I did leave the theater with one note to self however: when executing an invasion of a hostile Alien environment after a million years of planning make sure you are current on your vaccinations before going outside without a biohazard suit.

So I saw two movies over the weekend: Bewitched and the Longest Yard.

The first ended up being an epic homage to the original TV series that was so far removed from the charm of the 1960s and from any conceivable plot that the director finally gave up and just ended the film. That's right, the film ended in no particular place for no particular reason having resolved no particular plot points. The film is also so riddled with references to the black and white TV series that are each underlined with such subtle, amateurish, and cartoonish grace that the movie screams "we didn't have a script and included this to make the film longer!" The only bright point for me was when one of the supporting characters had the following line: "They're remaking Bewitched? Isn't that the one with the genie?"

The second film, The Longest Yard, a tired remake of the 1974 film of the same name, serves no particular purpose beyond providing a format for a few graphic depictions of white prison guards assaulting ethnically diverse inmates. There is nothing feel good about any of it and the clumsily produced conflict between Adam Sandler and the warden is so boring that it barely held my attention. The build up to the inevitable ESPN Televised football showdown with the guards is so long and random that the only thing I could do to occupy my mind was ponder the totally incompetent, yet ever present, prison security that allowed Quarter Pounders, alcohol, sneakers, bombs, and estrogen replacement meds to flow into the prison as freely as 10 year olds finding their way onto the Neverland Ranch. This is a step down for Sandler; both because he had to share top billing with other stars and because his films are normally at least mildly amusing. Not so with the Longest Yard, I was glad to see the credits roll.